Social and Emotional Development in Early Childhood

Personal, Social and Emotional Development (PSED) is one of the three prime areas of learning in the EYFS – and with good reason. The ability to manage feelings, build relationships, understand others’ perspectives and develop a secure sense of self underpins virtually every other area of development and learning. A child who cannot self-regulate their emotions, who struggles to form trusting relationships or who lacks confidence in their own worth will find the demands of school and social life profoundly challenging, regardless of their cognitive ability.

PSED is not a “soft” developmental area or one that can be left to emerge on its own. It is shaped by early experiences, particularly by the quality of children’s relationships with the adults who care for them. The science of early brain development makes this clear: the neural pathways associated with emotional regulation, empathy and social cognition are formed in the earliest years of life, primarily through repeated interactions with responsive, warm caregivers.

Attachment Theory and Why It Matters

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby in the 1960s and substantially refined by Mary Ainsworth and later researchers, describes the deep emotional bond that forms between an infant and their primary caregiver. This bond is not simply emotional comfort – it is the foundation of the child’s developing brain architecture. Children with secure attachments use their caregiver as a “safe base” from which to explore the world, returning when frightened or overwhelmed and trusting that comfort will be available.

Children with secure attachment generally show greater resilience, better emotional regulation, stronger social skills and higher academic attainment than those with insecure attachment patterns. The quality of the attachment relationship is determined less by the quantity of time spent together and more by the quality of the interaction – specifically by whether the caregiver is consistently sensitive, responsive and emotionally available. This is why the key person role in early years settings is so important: it provides children with a secondary attachment figure outside the family.

Emotional Regulation: A Learned Skill

Young children are not born with the ability to manage their emotions. The prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain most associated with impulse control, planning and emotional regulation) does not fully mature until the mid-twenties. Toddlers and young children are therefore neurologically incapable of the kind of emotional control that adults expect, particularly under stress, tiredness or hunger. Tantrums, meltdowns and impulsive behaviour are not defiance – they reflect the genuine developmental limitations of the young brain.

Emotional regulation is developed gradually through a process called co-regulation: when a distressed child is held, comforted and helped to calm by a regulated adult, their nervous system learns to regulate itself. Over time, with repeated experience and explicit support, children internalise these strategies and become better able to manage their feelings independently. Adults who punish young children for emotional outbursts without teaching regulation skills are, inadvertently, denying children the scaffolding they need to develop this critical capacity.

Social Skills and Friendships

Learning to make and maintain friendships is a complex developmental task that begins in earnest in the toddler years and continues through childhood. Early social learning includes taking turns, sharing, reading non-verbal cues, managing conflict, resisting the impulse to snatch or hit and understanding that others have their own feelings and perspectives. These skills do not emerge spontaneously – they require plenty of practice in the company of other children and with sensitive adult support.

Early years settings play a critical role in this development. High-quality provision gives children time and space to develop their own play and relationships, with adults who observe carefully, intervene skillfully when needed and create a social environment in which every child feels valued and included. Practitioners should be alert to children who consistently play alone when they clearly want company, who struggle with the social demands of group play or who are frequently involved in conflict, and should provide additional support as needed.

Behaviour as Communication

The EYFS and best practice guidance both emphasise that children’s behaviour (including challenging behaviour) is always a form of communication. A child who hits another child is communicating frustration, overwhelm or unmet need. A child who refuses to participate is communicating anxiety, tiredness or confusion. A child who becomes aggressive when routines change is communicating a need for predictability and security.

Understanding what a child’s behaviour is communicating is the essential first step to supporting them effectively. Settings should have clear, positive behaviour management policies that focus on building skills and understanding rather than simply managing or suppressing behaviour. Zero-tolerance policies, punitive responses to emotional dysregulation and approaches that shame or isolate distressed children are not consistent with the EYFS and are not effective in the medium or long term.

Supporting PSED at Home

The most important things parents can do to support social and emotional development are also the simplest:

• be reliably warm, responsive and available
• name and acknowledge feelings
• model emotional regulation
• maintain consistent, predictable routines
• allow children to experience manageable frustration without immediately rescuing them
• talk openly about emotions and relationships

Specific activities such as role play, storytelling and games that involve turn-taking also support PSED directly.

If you have concerns about your child’s social or emotional development (they seem persistently anxious, have very few friendships, are significantly more aggressive or impulsive than other children of the same age, or show little empathy) speak to your health visitor, GP or their early years setting. Early support is far more effective than waiting, and many children respond well to relatively straightforward interventions when they are identified early.

For related guidance, see also our articles on the seven areas of learning, physical activity and development, sleep and learning and safeguarding.